actually, I'm a sock model
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
