how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
