i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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