Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
