my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
