Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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