Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
