i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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