We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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