I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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