Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
