the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do vagina's smell?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
