it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
