You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
