I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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