i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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