I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
