My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
