True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
