Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
