dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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