dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
