the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
