we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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