I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
