so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize