High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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