I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ladies don't puke and tell
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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