is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
