Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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