WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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