i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
