my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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