if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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