we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
