No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
