Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
