I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
