he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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