Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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