plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
