i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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