puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
