It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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