First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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