Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
