now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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