Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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