i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
