i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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