i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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