FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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