yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
