i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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