Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
