I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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