My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
