So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
