Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
