dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I die, sorry about rent.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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