it hurts more in the daytime
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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