...so i touched it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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