my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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