I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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