margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
