so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
