I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
